Ok, Americans. It’s time to get real about Domestic Violence. And as a Black Male, I’m taking a step on this.

Posted: September 15, 2014 in #blacktwitter, #TwitterShare, African American Stories and Viewpoints, Commentary by all means, Decision Factors, My Special Commentary, Sports, The Issues
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The topic of Domestic Violence in terms of various examples has been talked about for years. Many of us, including me had or have relatives, friends, or acquaintances that were in domestic violence disputes or angles. In the last two years, my home church in Milwaukee had sessions about Love Is, in terms of Healthy Relationships. And yes Domestic Violence was the centerpiece topic in relations to men being the aggressor over women. And sometimes that is not being talked about that much that women can have the aggressor angle over men in various ways. On this blog, yes I have highlighted several examples previously the triggers, feelings, actions and others that lead to the legality of the use of domestic violence.

Now I know that many are still talking about Ray Rice. And his former fiance, now wife Janay Rice. And the elevator. And the video. And the Baltimore Ravens winning their game against the Steelers this past week two of the NFL season. And even though that the game was won by Ray Rice’s former team (he was removed by the NFL Offices) the topic of domestic violence and the legality of domestic violence still lingers!

Yes, I’ve heard over the years that Men shouldn’t hit Women. And all others. But what happens if men were to be struck by women and then what, stand down?! Yesterday on my Facebook feeds, there was a Meme about Tiger Woods. And it displayed a picture of Tiger and having this message like: “No one called my incident domestic violence when I was abused.” Or something like that. But then we realize that the subject of Domestic Violence is a double standard. So technically if a female tries to put me out of my misery in a physical, sexual, religious, or financial angles, yes it is an example of domestic disputes. But alas, many will find that funny. Humorous. Crazy funny. It’s not. That is just as a bad as this example this year when a story was posted several months ago about a black woman killed her boyfriend over a #WCW picture. Seriously?!! Why would a black woman kill her boyfriend over a crush picture?!! That right there is an example of domestic violence. And even though they probably didn’t get married at the time (ala Ray Rice and Janay), that angle is valid in terms of the legality. By the way, the new #WCW is called Women Crush Wednesday in which Men (and sometimes Women) post their “crush” on Instagram for the day. The women mostly post an opposite day like #MCM or Man Crush Monday.

Also, what is up with these women per say, who get abused by their counterparts and they stay with them? My advice: JUST FREAKING LEAVE! I mean if a person is getting abused run away fast. I know it’s not that simple. The abuser thinks that they would leave them, don’t want to feel lonely or just being so insecure. That’s like an wrestling adage in which I don’t want to be join forces with someone that I already fought with. No sir. No madam. I can understand about supporting kids and having family obligations. But hey, any life involved in the domestic violence circle that is effected shouldn’t be harmed at all!

We’ve all seen one of Tyler Perry’s movies, “Madea’s Family Reunion”. Don’t lie! Many of you probably got it on storage somewhere in the house. The scenes that Blair Underwood’s character Carlos, as we know, portrayed a high class business executive, a eligible bachelor, hard working man. Good looking. Dressed nice. Rides a good looking car. Come on ladies I know you’ve seen the movie! It’s Blair Underwood for God’s sakes! Yeah that guy. But there was a dark side of his character. He was an abuser, an aggressive person who lunges power and being manipulative of his soon to be bride. But towards the end of the movie, the character Lisa, played by Rochelle Aytes used a pot full of heated grits to get at Carlos plus, using a frying pan and beating him over and over again. And Al Green was playing in the background. I think the angle in all of this, the abused had enough of running, being scared, being controlled, being unaware of her actions that seemed positive. But overall she finally had the balls per say to stand up to the guy!

Now, some of you are saying, “Stephen that was a movie! What does that truly mean in real life situations when couples and or couples to be who are abused, are beaten, or manipulated in real life everyday?” To quote a former Pastor of mine: I’m so glad you asked that question! Because that is question, I am prepared to answer!

In every relationship no matter what happens we all know there are going to be problems no matter what. And to say that there will be always solutions that solve those dilemmas. But however many don’t follow through. They don’t! Either because they don’t know where to go, whom to trust, what to believe, when to convince, why and how to solve these problems head on! Now folks, remember when we were kids growing up and having those older than us that if someone is messing with you or if there is a problem, you tell a grown up? Remember that? When neighbors knew your name, when other family members or close friends knew your name like a book, etc? Do you all remember that? I hope you do! I know most of us are grown. And some are not. But the fact of matter is, folks need to speak up and let those know that enough is enough. The late great wrestler Owen Hart back in his WWF days had a theme music that began “Enough is enough. It’s time for a change!” Females you should know very well. For the men who were abused in many angles, don’t listen to the haters of other men (and/or other Women) who are going to joke about you at the clubs, and the workplace. They will not save you! And I think they won’t do it is because they probably might have those insecure arguments and against mess that Domestic Violence among men is a farce. Any type of violence against anyone is unnecessary.

Oh check this: We all know about the history of Ike and Tina. Like the Carlos character, Ike appeared to all good looking, having a bravado of his music, his goals, his management skills, and also having a hand in starting Tina’s career. BUT: as we all know from history, he too had his domestic violence ways with her over the years. Even this incident was talked about way before it was made public! I can hear my mother reliving a conversation (true conversation) with Tina Turner and several others of my family at the time during her peak of stardom. Even my late Grandmother had to hear this. And yes Tina told the situation over and over again. Plus the question was mentioned about why did she stay with Ike? The response was the usual I still love him commentary. And this question was asked: “WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?” Like the song title that we’ve heard so many times and this should be a burning question to many of those who have been abused, even Janay Rice herself: What’s love got to do with it? I’m serious here! I’m poking the brains ya’ll! Even though some may not want to comment.

So to say, in regarding love in this, and when the abuser over and over again making the hits to hurt, where does love come in when your body is lying a county morgue, or preparing to be buried or cremated? That is what I want to know! Or where does love come in, that your job, your church, your alumni, your college student experience, your personal positive needs are all effected when an abuser of DV comes in and snatches it?

Just as an idea: We all know that the month of October is coming up. The same scary month of Halloween. So I am proposing an idea to the Domestic Violence Awareness Folks and the Breast Cancer Awareness folks. Join forces for sport related events. Have a “Pink and Purple Awareness Party” all month long for October to recognize the awareness of both concerns and continue to the conversation about this always!

 

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