I want to address all of the African-American Women who fall in the 70%. Those who say that there are no good black men around. Those who say that all Men ain’t well, you know the word. Those who are still asking that same old question of why they can’t find a good man for your reasons. Those that are……never mind. This is a followup blog to “Oh, Wait: Is this what Relationships are like now? Really?!!” blog I wrote in September. I’ve been on the WordPress thing about expressing my reasons why I’m still single and having a ball at it. No question. I like my single status. And no, I’m not saving myself for women like you who keep pursuing the same question of “why I can’t find a good man”. I hate to be harsh on that, but on the flipside, I’m being real. Even though that I am single approaching the age of 35, while still being a straightforward Sagittarius of speaking my viewpoints. And I’ll bet that alot of you are asking these questions right now:
- “Why are you single, Stephen?”
- “You’re this good guy. Who works hard. And no one has snagged you up?”
- “OMG, you’re almost 35, and no girlfriend/ladyfriend? Dang, dude! Where you’ve been hiding?”
- “What do you do everyday?”
- “When are you are actually going out for real?” I’m just saying, I mean when is it going to happen?
- “If you were seeking someone to hang out, What are you looking for in a female?”
I can answer these questions just to be real. And to give you, the African-American Female audience some insight.
One, the reason I’m single because I chose that road to walk. “I Walk Alone” as Saliva would say. Saliva is a rock group by the way. I mean, most my age or the same predicament can relate, but I’m single because I chose my decision to focus on me. Now to those who are wondering: what does that mean? I’m a working kind of person. Real busy. I don’t focus on the seeing the females as much because I chose not to do it! No, I’m not going towards the gay angle (I don’t swing my bat that way),not assuming the interracial angle, and also plus here is something that most of you Single African-American Women would cheer for: I haven’t been in jail! I don’t have a criminal history, never had unprotected sex, have goals to achieve in life and like alot of you, I believe in getting more education in college (or beyond college), and having the ability to establish positive outcomes. And above all else, it’s my right!
The Second question. Yes, I’m a good person. I’m not a perfect person. Never have been. But like every American I strive to be the best. EVER. It’s a thing of confidence. And again no one hasn’t snagged me up because, well they all tried and failed. And some had a thought of me being laughable. Usually I put the question on ice just for me to think about without giving in right away. I’m a patient person. You know the slogan: Patience is a virtue. And get this: I maybe straightforward of not being ready like the guy down the street, but I am honest. Right now, I would be rather be friends with Females than getting real close. I’m not considered to be “relationship ready right now”. If I was, different story. Who knows? Like President Clinton once said the same about “America can’t be strong abroad, unless we are strong at home.” I take this seriously. No matter where I go.
The third question. Yes, I’m approaching the ripe age of 35. The same age that I can run for political office, per say. No I’m actually running, but having a girlfriend to hang out with has never crossed my mind. I’m more of a loner. Or a lone wolf in a pack. I like serenity, peace and freedom. Technically, where I have been hiding you ask? I’m not actually hiding nor retreating. I don’t have to hide to be not noticed! Really, it’s just a matter of laying low and not being on someone’s radar list. But, I would say that maybe at one point someone probably told me that I was the one, but not the true candidate. I’m keeping it real!
The fourth question. I work! I work a total of 48 hours every two weeks everyday. So, yes I do have a job. And away from the office, I help citizens to fill out voting ballots, volunteer with my High School Alumni Associations, as well keeping tabs on my college/university Alumni Groups and outings. And for fun stuff, I go to movies, festivals, special events all by myself. It maybe lonesome, but I enjoy the freedom to explore things on my own. And I am brave enough to do it. And I attend church every Sunday. United Methodist that is.
The Fifth Question. That I can’t say. Like I said, I’m focusing on me. I can’t predict a vision to see in a crystal ball or the constant nagging of my family/friends of making me seek a wife. REALLY?! Had to put that in there.(*rolling eyes and shaking my head*) I don’t have a time clock in my brain, or a stopwatch. Yes, I heard about when reaching 35 without a girl or a ladyfriend in all, would damage my reputation, my livelihood, my upbringings, lessons from my parents and etc. But, I’m here to tell you that I’m not worried! I may have been discouraged, or tempted, or teased, or at one time, “warned.” But I have faith and confidence to withstand these barriers and just stay focused on what is important right now. And having a focus on a seeking a female is NOT A PRIMARY CONCERN! It is not a cancer! I have respect for black women, but I believe and feel that you have to understand (you in that 70%) that I’m NOT the cure to your cancer regarding this. Once again, I’m being honest and straight forward. Like the Sagittarius/Chinese Dragon I am. Yes, those are my signs. Fire signs that is. The cure to all cancers in my view, would rest in the hands of the almighty. I’ve been told years ago to be true to yourself. Now if those in the feminine crowd (of any race) can’t honor or respect that, they are not the ones I’m seeking. I’m not a skirt chaser. I don’t chase after women like a crazed maniac, and be a relentless person of no morals regarding this. I wasn’t raised to do that. No matter which group of folks they are. I know some are tired of hearing this, but “I’m just saying; in general.” I don’t do these things. Technically, it’s a waste. This is where upbringings come in, and a truce! This is not an issue, more like an ideology.
The Sixth Question. If I was looking for that chick to hang out with, it would be this: Mature, Hardworking, Independent, able to support, have a good head on her shoulders, kindness, strong and having a will to be successful. Now I’ve heard that most African-American Men fear strong black women. Here is something that I should know: I grew up in a family mixed in with strong black women! I’m used to that. Believe me. Ranging from Ministers, Teachers, Business Owners, Administrative Workers, etc. So that doesn’t scare me. Instead of scaring me of African-American women being strong, here’s something else: It gives me hope to rise up my bootstraps. I’m saying this, because it’s all about being well raised, coached, advised and being aware of stepping out to make that decision. So, yeah I’m well grounded as much. The only way I think that those in the 70%, or any percentage would ride “this train, (as in me) is to have that ticket punched authentically to get aboard. Not phony. Just saying.
Overall, I think I may have unleashed something here. But in essence, I decided to open a playbook and let loose like a quarterback scrambling for yardage. Sort of like Aaron Rodgers. Yes, I follow the Green Bay Packers and I am from Wisconsin! And I do belt moves. Or just going into “Beast Mode” like Nyjer Morgan of the Milwaukee Brewers. But to just keeping it at 100, this is what it is. I know that the competition is gunning hard out there, and it’s bleak. But maybe if the “competition” weren’t so bleak, I wouldn’t got passed up to be the homecoming king or prom king in High School! Or overlooked in a bar or a club. I’ve been overlooked too many times. I’m not crying about it. I wasn’t raised to mack, nor act as a pimp or player. The reason is…. I don’t those things. What was the line from Thriller? “I am not like other guys”. Case in point: this is why I’m still and probably remain to be single. Unless, if a truce arises, I am still defending “this” title of me being single. – Belt Move!